Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
