Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
