in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
