his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
