I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize