omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
