Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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