So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
