): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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