I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
