you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I died a long time ago.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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