My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
