So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I will die if light touches me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
