So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
