I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
