I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
