I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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