I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
