Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
