dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
