when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
