fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
