sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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