Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
