how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
