people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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