He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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