I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
