Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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