Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
