who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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