my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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