all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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