Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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