As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize