the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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