Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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