That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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