I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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