Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
