I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The air taste purple.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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