I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
