we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
