I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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