Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
