Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I die, sorry about rent.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
