I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
