420 ftw
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
