Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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