his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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