Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
