Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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