Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
