Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
