just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
