i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
