Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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