just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
