I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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