I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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