If i come over, it means nothing
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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