so explain again why im purple
no
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
