Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
