If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
