Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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