I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
