I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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