She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
