I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
