there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
