Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
