I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
