I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
