so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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