You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
