I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
