she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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