Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's the barista slut.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
