Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
