Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
