she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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