so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
