I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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