I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Enjoy the penises
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
