my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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