Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
