she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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