i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
