I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
