There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
