shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
