I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
