i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize