the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
