I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
