I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Actions speak louder than pants.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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