My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
