the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
