Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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