according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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