Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found puke in my bra..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
