worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
