Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
