it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
