All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
