Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
