her vagine was all disorganized.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He felt like a one man threesome
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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