my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
